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Thursday, March 22, 2007
/ 3/22/2007 07:33:00 PM Check Tis out.. kinda old though... 9 qns.. 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses! 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. 8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass? _____________________________________________________________________________________ Things you need to know about Chinese and Indian movies(really funny) Things You Need to Know About Chinese Swordsman Movies ======================================================= 1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan. 2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and declared dead. 3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses. 4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have gold and silvers with them to pay for their dishes. 5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are. 6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head. 7. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves and waistband and never drop them (carrying especially lots of those gold and silver ingots) _____________________________________________________________________________________ Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies ================================================== 1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds. 2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain. 3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation. 4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-where and join them in the dance. 5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy who he is up against is actually his brother and the maid who looked after him is his mother and the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is his uncle and so forth. 6. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are No Problem!, My God!, Get Out!, Shut-up!,Impossible!, Please forgive me! 7. They drop down on the ground and roll and roll while singing and came out with different clothing. 8. They can run around the coconut trees, singing, battling eyes-lid, and throwing glances at each other and change clothes all at the same time without being out of breath. _____________________________________________________________________________________ The Language The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it effectively when communicating their intentions. Just compare these few common phrases that S'poreans and Britons use to say the same thing: At five minutes to quitting time ... Britons:I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you. S'poreans: No Stock! Returning a Call... Britons: Hello, this is John Travolta. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago? S'poreans: Hello, who page? When someone is in the way... Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way? S'poreans: Lai, siam! (Cantonese = "Sim" like in Sim-Din (lightening)) When someone offers to pay... Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me. S'poreans: No-nid. (no need) When asking for permission... Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door? S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can or Not? When entertaining... Britons: Please make yourself right at home. S'poreans: Don't shy, leh! When doubting someone... Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money. S'poreans: Where got? When declining an offer... Britons: I'd prefer no to do that, if you don't mind. S'poreans: Donnn-waaaan. (don't want) When deciding on a plan of action... Britons: What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out and all the restaurants are closed? S'poreans: So how? _____________________________________________________________________________________ Reincarnator Signing off... |
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